BEING AN ALLY
Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally
People can realize that they're transgender at any age. Some people can trace their awareness back to their earlier memories – they just knew. Others may need more time to realize that they are transgender. Some people may spend years feeling like they don't fit in without really understanding why, or may try to avoid thinking or talking about their gender out of fear, shame, or confusion. Trying to repress or change one’s gender identity doesn’t work; in fact, it can be very painful and damaging to one’s emotional and mental health. As transgender people become more visible in the media and in community life across the country, more transgender people are able to name and understand their own experiences and may feel safer and more comfortable sharing it with others.
- transequality.org
Helpful background information may be - Sexual Orientation vs. Gender Identity. There is gender identity, and then there is sexual orientation. Gender Identity is how they identify within their gender (unless they identify as non-gender conforming). Sexual orientation is who they are attracted to.
Asking Questions:
At times, it may feels as though it is difficult to consult someone that is openly transgender, but consider asking yourself, “Do I need to know this information to treat them respectfully?”
Some specific topics that have been known as uncomfortable for transgender individuals to discuss that you should avoid:
Their birth name - Never call it their ‘real name’ or photographs from before they transitioned
What hormones are they (or aren’t they) taking
What surgeries they have (or have not) had
Questions related to sexual relationships
Birth Names vs. First Names
Don’t assume what their first name is. Always ask who they would like to be referred as. Make sure to put in significant effort in using their preferred name. Birth names can be a tremendous source of anxiety.
How To Be An Ally:
Speak out in support of transgender people and transgender rights
Support transgender people who experience discrimination
Think about how you use gendered language
Learn about policies affecting transgender people
Creating Change:
Rethink gender on forms and documents - allow for people to fill forms the way that matches their gender identity
Ensure everyone has access to bathrooms and other facilities
Push for support and inclusivity, not simply tolerance
Craft a transgender-inclusive nondiscrimination policy